Just Coating It A Little

Tommy: Forget it, I quit, I can't do this anymore, man. My head's about to explode. My whole life sucks! I don't know what I'm doing, I don't know where I'm going. My dad just died, we just killed Bambi, I'm out here getting my butt kicked and every time I drive down the road I wanna jerk the wheel into bridge abutment!

Have you ever made a mistake in a performance before and played it over and over again in your mind? Have you done this recently? Even though scripture continually reminds us that we are not perfect and can never be perfect, we somehow find ourselves trying to squish into a little jacket that will never fit. As artists, we need to be even more aware of our perfectionist tendencies because they can cause us to become unable to use our gifts they way they were intended.

Noland gives us 4 negative indicators of perfectionism:

1. Maximizing the Negative, Minimizing the Positive

"Have you ever heard of the dot syndrome? Look at the newspaper photograph and notice that it's made up of many dots of ink. Now focus on only one of those little dots. See how you miss the "big picture"? The dot syndrome is just like that. You make a little mistake and keep replaying it in your mind, crucifying yourself over and over for it. It's a loss of perspective. Instead of looking at the big picture, you're obsessed with one tiny dot. For the perfectionist, one thing gone wrong means every thing's going wrong." (124, Noland)

2. Black-and-White Thinking

"Something is either all good or all bad. My performance was either all good or all bad. I'm either a good artist or I don't even deserve to call myself one. There's no in between. Perfectionists tend to be very critical, and they can come down very hard on themselves when they fail. As a result, perfectionists engage in a lot of negative self-talk." (125, Noland)

3. Self-Esteem Based on Performance Instead of Identity

"Many artists are extremely insecure because they're overly perfectionistic. Because they criticize themselves over the smallest of mistakes, perfectionists struggle with self-esteem. When it reaches the point where your talent makes you feel no good or worthless as a person, your self-esteem is too wrapped up in what you do instead of who you are. Perfectionism can also be a way for artists to get people to like them. If people think I'm perfect or better than I really am, they'll like me and I will be important - so goes the perfectionist thinking. (126, Noland)

4. High and Unrealistic Expectations

"The more work I have invested in something, the higher go my expectations for it to come off not well but perfectly. So I walk into rehearsal expecting perfection, and I'm disappointed. I come to the service expecting perfections, and I'm disappointed. This is different from setting goals. Setting goals can be motivational and can bring significant growth. Even if we don't achieve all our goals, we're almost always better off for having tried. Now contrast that with constantly browbeating ourselves and others because we're not living up to perfection... If you and I set up unrealistic expectations, we're setting ourselves up for frustration and disappointment every time. That's why the perfectionist lives with a lot of "if onlys." If only I had said this or done that. If only I had gone to that college. If only I had studied with that teacher. If only I had made that audition. If only I had married that person instead of the person I married. We somehow feel that all our expectations would have been met "if only." ... People with unrealistic expectations often end up sabotaging themselves." (126-127, Noland)


Let's face it, we do need to have hard work and set lofty goals, but trying to be perfect in our performances and our life is more "man-centered than God-centered." Noland suggests that we need to change the spelling on "perfection" to "perfiction" because perfection is honestly just fantasy. God is the only one who is perfect. "For those of us who expect life to be easy all the time, perfectionism is also a way of being in control; if I can control my environment, I can protect myself from pain and disappointment." (127, Noland).

Since perfectionism exists in all of us, comment about a perfectionist tendency that you have and how it has influenced your life.

As you ponder this week's reflective post, it best to end with a quote from Tommy Boy because it is through our imperfections that we can grow as a community and share in genuine laughter:

Tommy: God, you're gonna remember this the rest of your life. Can't believe you've never been cow tipping before. Get ready to live. Huh, huh, huh, ssshhhh. She's sleepin'. What you do is, you put your shoulder into her and you push.
Paul: And?
Tommy: They fall over, hee, hee, hee.
Paul: And this doesn't strike you as kinda' dumb?
Tommy: We're family, we're gonna be doing lots of dumb stuff together. Wait 'til Christmas.