Potluck Perfectionism

 

 

"The amish, whenever they produce any of their crafts, purposefuly put a flaw somewhere in their work. It could be one piece of thread that's out of line or a part of a quilt that's slightly off center, but it's there to remind them that only God is perfect." (129, Noland)

 

Ah yes, flawed on purpose. Now there is an idea that will be hard for each of us and our perfectionist tendencies to grasp. Yet, there is something great in knowing that even though our free will causes us to fail time and time again God continually uses us and our errors to bring about His will.

 

Since we perfectionists tend to focus detrimentally on the negative, we need to learn to savor the positive. Truly, we need to become practiced at "celebrat[ing] anything and everything positive that comes our way" (128, Noland). In our culture, we often are led to believe that we should not rejoice in our successes, but this is not what God wants in our lives.

 

Noland shares the story of David to remind us of this: "In 2 Samuel 6 David had defeated the Philistines and returned the ark of the covenant to Jerusalem. The whole nation celebrated, and David was so overjoyed that he danced "with all his might" (v.14). And why not? He was savoring a great work of God that he'd had the privilege to be a part of. David danced before the Lord with humility and joy. He wasn't taking the glory for himself. He was worshiping God. David's wife, Michal, on the other hand, wasn't into savoring, and she sharply criticized her husband for his outlandish celebration. But God was not pleased with her negative attitude, and He cursed her with barrenness (v.23). So you see, God doesn't like it when we pass up an opportunity to savor Him. He delights in worship-filled celebration" (128, Noland).

 

There are several key components to savoring the positive. First, we have to recognize that if God uses us to do His will and something fantastic comes out of it, it is "okay to celebrate what God's doing through us" (Noland 128). This is not us patting ourselves on our backs, instead it is us rejoicing that we were able to do God's will. We are letting God's joy at accomplishing what He's equipped us to do into our lives.

 

Do you think that our team does a good job of celebrating when God uses the team in a special way? What are some instances that you think we should rejoice over because God's Will was actualized in the past couple days, weeks, and/or months?

Just Coating It A Little

Tommy: Forget it, I quit, I can't do this anymore, man. My head's about to explode. My whole life sucks! I don't know what I'm doing, I don't know where I'm going. My dad just died, we just killed Bambi, I'm out here getting my butt kicked and every time I drive down the road I wanna jerk the wheel into bridge abutment!

Have you ever made a mistake in a performance before and played it over and over again in your mind? Have you done this recently? Even though scripture continually reminds us that we are not perfect and can never be perfect, we somehow find ourselves trying to squish into a little jacket that will never fit. As artists, we need to be even more aware of our perfectionist tendencies because they can cause us to become unable to use our gifts they way they were intended.

Noland gives us 4 negative indicators of perfectionism:

1. Maximizing the Negative, Minimizing the Positive

"Have you ever heard of the dot syndrome? Look at the newspaper photograph and notice that it's made up of many dots of ink. Now focus on only one of those little dots. See how you miss the "big picture"? The dot syndrome is just like that. You make a little mistake and keep replaying it in your mind, crucifying yourself over and over for it. It's a loss of perspective. Instead of looking at the big picture, you're obsessed with one tiny dot. For the perfectionist, one thing gone wrong means every thing's going wrong." (124, Noland)

2. Black-and-White Thinking

"Something is either all good or all bad. My performance was either all good or all bad. I'm either a good artist or I don't even deserve to call myself one. There's no in between. Perfectionists tend to be very critical, and they can come down very hard on themselves when they fail. As a result, perfectionists engage in a lot of negative self-talk." (125, Noland)

3. Self-Esteem Based on Performance Instead of Identity

"Many artists are extremely insecure because they're overly perfectionistic. Because they criticize themselves over the smallest of mistakes, perfectionists struggle with self-esteem. When it reaches the point where your talent makes you feel no good or worthless as a person, your self-esteem is too wrapped up in what you do instead of who you are. Perfectionism can also be a way for artists to get people to like them. If people think I'm perfect or better than I really am, they'll like me and I will be important - so goes the perfectionist thinking. (126, Noland)

4. High and Unrealistic Expectations

"The more work I have invested in something, the higher go my expectations for it to come off not well but perfectly. So I walk into rehearsal expecting perfection, and I'm disappointed. I come to the service expecting perfections, and I'm disappointed. This is different from setting goals. Setting goals can be motivational and can bring significant growth. Even if we don't achieve all our goals, we're almost always better off for having tried. Now contrast that with constantly browbeating ourselves and others because we're not living up to perfection... If you and I set up unrealistic expectations, we're setting ourselves up for frustration and disappointment every time. That's why the perfectionist lives with a lot of "if onlys." If only I had said this or done that. If only I had gone to that college. If only I had studied with that teacher. If only I had made that audition. If only I had married that person instead of the person I married. We somehow feel that all our expectations would have been met "if only." ... People with unrealistic expectations often end up sabotaging themselves." (126-127, Noland)


Let's face it, we do need to have hard work and set lofty goals, but trying to be perfect in our performances and our life is more "man-centered than God-centered." Noland suggests that we need to change the spelling on "perfection" to "perfiction" because perfection is honestly just fantasy. God is the only one who is perfect. "For those of us who expect life to be easy all the time, perfectionism is also a way of being in control; if I can control my environment, I can protect myself from pain and disappointment." (127, Noland).

Since perfectionism exists in all of us, comment about a perfectionist tendency that you have and how it has influenced your life.

As you ponder this week's reflective post, it best to end with a quote from Tommy Boy because it is through our imperfections that we can grow as a community and share in genuine laughter:

Tommy: God, you're gonna remember this the rest of your life. Can't believe you've never been cow tipping before. Get ready to live. Huh, huh, huh, ssshhhh. She's sleepin'. What you do is, you put your shoulder into her and you push.
Paul: And?
Tommy: They fall over, hee, hee, hee.
Paul: And this doesn't strike you as kinda' dumb?
Tommy: We're family, we're gonna be doing lots of dumb stuff together. Wait 'til Christmas.

Put on a Happy Face

At the end of the day, the success of our teamwork depends on our ability to submit to authority without losing our autonomy or artistic identity. This means that we must follow our leader(s) and listen to our Father about how, when, and what spiritual gifts to use. CS Lewis states this concept fantastically while discussing the arts. He states, "Even in literature and art, no man who bothers about originality will ever be original: whereas if you simply try to tell the truth (without caring twopence about how often it has been told before) you will, nine times out of ten, become original without ever having noticed it."

This means that we can still stand out as artists and fulfill our purpose while submitting to authority. Noland states:

"Submitting to authority can be difficult for some of us. We artists don't like anyone telling us what to do. But assuming your leader never asks you to do something contrary to God's will, you have a responsibility to submit to his or her leadership. Hebrews 13:17 says, "Obey your leaders and submit to their authority. They keep watch over you as men who must give an account. Obey them so that their work will be a joy, not a burden, for that would be of no advantage to you." (110, Noland)
"Submitting to church authority is a sign of character. You may think your leader is wrong or incapable or even unfit to lead, but don't add to the problem by being immature yourself. I've seen people get so agitated over the littlest things, and I've seen people leave the church over relatively petty issues. Stubbornness is not a virtue and pettiness is not becoming. Don't be a thorn in the side of the leader. If you disagree with your leader or don't like something he or she is doing, go talk to that person. If you still disagree, pray that God will change your leader's mind or yours. But if nothing ever changes, you still need to submit and cooperate with the person's leadership." (111, Noland)

Yet, even through this submission, we should never lose our autonomy or artistic identity. Noland states:

"It's important for the artist not to get swallowed up completely by the team. When we lose autonomy, we stop taking responsibility for ourselves. I've seen too many artists try to get lost in the crowd and not take personal responsibility for the development of their gifts and the nurturing of their souls. I've also seen too many artists hide behind the spiritual reputation of the leader and not take responsibility for their walk with the Lord or for the sin in their lives. I'm talking about the choir member, for example, who doesn't take the development of his or her gift or spiritual life seriously, thinking that those things go unnoticed when you're part of a large group. Doesn't this person know that any team is only as strong as its weakest link? There is a side to being an artist that is solitary. We need to practice on our own, or we need to write in solitude, or we need to find the inspiration to create on our own. We have devotions and fight temptation on our own. Even though I'm trying to raise the value of teamwork in arts ministry, the arts are not exclusively a team effort. It's our responsibility to do the along part on our own." (111, Noland)

"When we lose individual autonomy, we also start living for the team's approval instead of the Lord's. A group mentality sets in that can be very dangerous for a team of artists. When that happens, we go along with the group without questioning. We don't take creative risks anymore for fear of losing our status with the group. We don't speak up if we hold an opinion different from that of the group. We become man pleasers instead of God pleasers. What was Aaron thinking when he misused his artistic abilities and made the gold calf? (Ex. 32:21-24). He created an idol for people to worship. He lost his sense of personal responsibility and listened to the group instead of listening to God. He gave in to peer pressure and betrayed his faith. It is dangerous for any artist to live for the approval of others and stop listening to God." (112, Noland)

For this post, respond to the following statement:

It has been said that fellowship, or community, is the art of knowing and being known. What is the difference between knowing and being known? Are you better at one than the other, or are you pretty good at both?

Heat, Light, and Magic

Have you ever taken the time to really look at our worship team? We are a bunch of neurotic, quirky, passionate, intelligent, and deeply devoted people! Each of us brings something completely unique to our team that we would be absolutely lacking if a person were missing. No matter how small or large our contributions, they all play a role in the bigger picture of bringing people closer to Christ. 1 Corinthians 12:22-25 says, "Those parts of the body that seem to be weaker are indispensable, and the parts that we think are less honorable we treat with special honor... But God has combined the members of the body and has given greater honor to the parts that lacked it, so that there should be no division in the body, but that its parts should have equal concern for each other."

In order to develop all that we have to offer into something that God can edify in our team, we need to bring all of our spiritual gifts to our team. Noland states:

"I've seen too many artists neglect their other spiritual gifts. They perform and that's it. What about an artist who also has the gift of mercy or encouragement or helps or shepherding or evangelism? The team is incomplete without these gifts... There is such a wide variety of spiritual gifts, and we we need to look for opportunities to use those gifts whenever the team assembles. For example, rehearsal is more than just practice. It's yet another opportunity to use our spiritual gifts and raise up our fellow artists. Even if you think you don't need rehearsal, you always need the fellowship and the fellowship needs you. If you have the gift of encouragement, you can come to rehearsal looking for someone to encourage. If you have the gift of helps, you can be on the lookout for someone to serve in this way, someone who just might be sitting next to you at rehearsal. Instead of asking, "What do I get out of this?" we should be asking, "What can I give?" (108-109, Noland)

Hebrews 10:24 tells us to "consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds." This means that we need to see our role on the worship team as using our gifts to lift others up by asking ourselves "How can I use my spiritual gift today to stimulate my fellow artists spiritually?" or "Is there anything I could do or say that could benefit someone else on the team?"

The result of this is that our role on our worship team is valuable not matter how small. Noland states:

"Every team has members who know their roles on the team and perform them well. They're content to play their roles, because they know that if they don't, the group will not function as a team. The best team leaders are the ones who help their members identify their roles and set them up to be succeed in those roles. Some roles are more behind-the-scene than others. Some are more prominent than others. But the mature team player knows that a team can't function without all members pulling their own weight, without all members performing the roles they play to the best of their ability." (109, Noland)

In addition, being a part of the worship team means that we are all actually a part of our Church's mission and success. Thus, we may be required to step out of our comfort zone and help out in the church in other ways. We may find ourselves helping Grounds and Maintenance fix a wall or serving food with the Deacons on Wednesday evenings. Noland states, "We need to do our fair share whether it's in our job description or not."

Next, we need to give of our spiritual gifts without caring about who gets the credit or the glory. Noland states:

"If you really believe in the cause of [our] team, does it really matter who gets the credit or the glory? Is it more important that you get the credit or that the work gets done? It's typical for us to want to receive all the credit and glory for something we have done, but if you look below the surface, there's almost always an unhealthy, self-serving motivation behind this desire. In many cases there's a craving for attention that drives us to seek the spotlight. And nowhere was this more prevalent than in the world of the arts." (107, Noland)

"Sometimes we get all bent out of shape when someone else gets all the credit we deserve or glory we covet. A wise man once said, "It is amazing how much can be accomplished if no one cares who gets the credit." (108, Noland)

No matter how much we try to not care about attribution, eventually we may come to a point where we feel the need to say something. Noland states:

"If credit is constantly attributed wrongly, it can be very demoralizing. It's true that God sees in secret, but it's the wise and sensitive leader who makes sure credit is given to the appropriate people. Sometimes people are not looking for a large display of public recognition. They just want to be thanked and appreciated for their contribution, so let's be sensitive to this on our teams." (108, Noland)

Conversely, if you are unhappy with your perceived role or you're unclear about what your role really is on the team, "I would suggest that you talk to your team leader about this right away. If you don't, you will end up frustrated, bitter, and resentful. Don't let this happen to you. If you're confused or disappointed about your role on the team, please talk to your team leader." (110, Noland)


If this conversation feels like we have come full circle, it's because we have. As a team, we need to make the members of our team feel valued and have a specific role on our team. Think about members of our team whom we have seem to lost some contact with, members of our team whom do not seem to have their own role and purpose, and members of our team who may be feeling overworked. What can we do to incorporate them into our team? What can we do to give more roles and areas for ownership? What can we do to take away some of the stress of other members?

In the comment section, write about a specific thing that our team can do to help utilize everyone's gifts on the team by using the previous rhetorical questions as prompts.

Our Body is a Wonderland

As artists (and people immersed in the American culture), we find ourselves often putting our fundamental needs last. This is something that we have to focus on changing; otherwise, we will leave our God little room to do His work in us. 1 Corinthians 6: 19-20 states, "Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit within you, whom you have from God? You are not your own, for you were bought with a price. So glorify God in your body." I think that we can all recognize the difficulty in glorifying God with our body. So, Noland assists us by giving us three areas to pay special attention to:

1. Be Healthy Physically

In some Christian circles it's fashionable to overwork and be burned out; it's a kind of badge of honor. But what's really going on here most of the time is that we're trying to impress each other with how hard we're working or how important we think we are. Ecclesiastes 4:6 (NSAB) says, "One hand full of rest is better than two fist full of labor and striving after wind." Rest is important. It's okay to get the rest your body needs. Most people fail to get the rest they need not because they get up too early but because they go to bed too late. We need to work hard for the Lord and not burn out. Most of us are at our best when we're well rested. Over the years I've learned not to schedule myself late into the evening the night before a big service at church, because I know that my team needs me to be sharp and alert. It's just one of the ways I can bring a healthy, rested self to the team. Regular exercise and sensible eating also contribute to our physical well-being. We tend to underestimate the amount of energy it takes to live a proactive, zealous Christian life or to be an attentive spouse or an involved parent. Then we wonder why we're tired all the time. Exercise and a healthy diet create the energy we all need to live life to its fullest. Ar you eating sensibly, exercising regularly, and getting enough rest? (105, Noland)

2. Be Healthy Spiritually

During the first century, there was an awful famine that was sweeping across the continents. In writing to the Corinthians, Paul talked glowingly about the churches in Macedonia and their team effort to help their fellow believers in need. The were poor yet they contributed abundantly to the church's worldwide relief effort. Paul says in 2 Corninthians 8:5 that they were able to give so much because "they gave themselves first to the Lord." They were in such a good place spiritually that giving came easy for them despite their poverty. When you're walking with the Lord, ministry oozes out automatically. You can't serve out of an empty cup, so make sure you're healthy spiritually. Don't you be the one holding the Spirit's anointing back by being spiritually lazy. Make sure you're having regular devotions, that you're praying, that you're confessing and renouncing sin, that you're in fellowship and sitting under biblical teaching. (106, Noland)

3. Be Healthy Emotionally

We can't control the circumstances that affect our emotions but we can do wonders for our emotional well-being by having meaningful relationships and dealing with pain and conflict in a healthy way. Do you have meaningful relationships? Are you paying attention to your emotions and dealing with them, or are you suppressing them? Are you dealing with pain and conflict in hour life, or are you coping by denying or escaping? (106, Noland)

It wouldn't be overgeneralizing to make the statement that most of us do not do a very good job of taking care of our needs. Sure, some of us may be able to hit a home run in one of the three areas, but another area probably looks more like the lava lamp in Soap Lake. Also, do not make the rash assumption that our lives outside of our ministry do not have an impact on our ministry and God's ability to do his work. We have to recognize that our work life, family life, and spiritual life is all interconnected. So, creating a healthy balance means being spiritually, emotionally, and physically healthy in all avenues of our life.

For this post, share a story of when you had some unhealthy issues in your life and what you did to overcome them. In this way, we can all learn a bit from each other's past and hopefully make it through or avoid similar unhealthy choices. As Rafiki in the Lion King teaches Simba: "Ah, yes the past can hurt, but you can either run from it or learn from it."